fresh air. (37)

This week has flown by, and been jam packed with activities and meetings and commitments here in the little blue house. We’re managing, but the weekend will be a welcome chance to take pause, to have some fun family time, and to organize even a few more details as the clock ticks down towards baby. There’s just been little room to make much progress in those areas over the past four days. That being said, I feel like life offered me a little reprieve this afternoon…

You know those days where something just turns around and you feel like you can breathe again? I can’t say that to be true of the entire contents of today, but I can say with great relief that I am breathing easier on one account, and it’s making a world of difference in my heart. We had our first doctor appointment with our new doctor this afternoon, and I’m 100% sure that we made the right move in the right timing. This was only my second conversation with the new practitioner, but twice now, I’ve had lengthy, invested interactions where I felt like I was being heard–like we could engage in conversation on an open and reasonable level.

I had stopped feeling like this was possible with my previous doctor, and at 32 weeks pregnant, had grown somewhat fearful of how that component of this next birth might play out. As I’ve shared a little bit in other posts, I’ve been fighting back a lot of fear stemming from conversations with my first doctor. So much reservation about something I’m so passionate and excited about felt unnatural and unnecessary to me. Words have power, and someone else’s fear can easily become our own. I’m working hard to erase that planted fear as the days tick on. This afternoon’s appointment was a huge step in the right direction.

I’m so thankful that J is as invested in this process as he is, and that he was able to make it to today’s visit with me to meet our new doc. I think we both walked away with a much greater peace about our options, our approach to birth, and our hopes for a safe and healthy natural delivery. Despite a very hectic day for both J and me, I feel a bit lighter in my step thanks to someone else’s willingness to be open, informing and encouraging. As I continue to unpack more about birth and pregnancy here, I look forward to sharing more about the significant impact that this change has already had on me, and why I feel so strongly that every woman is entitled to feel empowered, informed, and safe when she’s expecting.

so grateful for change tonight. and for a much needed breath of fresh air.

mm