dear henry. (12)

Hey Buddy,

I know you won’t read this now, but maybe you’ll find it someday when you’re older…when you have a young boy of your own, perhaps, or when you’re preparing to welcome baby number two into your world from the dad side of things. This has been an awesome and hard season for you, little man. You are no doubt as excited as a two year old might be about becoming a big brother, but the changes taking shape in our family are clearly having a challenging impact on you as well. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this better for you than we’re already trying to: showering as much love and attention on you as we can afford and working hard to explain and involve you in this baby process as much as possible.

This weekend you helped your daddy put up a baby gate on the nursery (to keep the pup out, of course:), and you were so proud of your efforts and contribution. Today as we were playing catch, you told me you would share your ball with baby, and I was so proud instead. I thought earlier on that maybe you knew something we didn’t…you’ve been singing “Happy Birthday” to the baby all day, and you asked me to “tell her it’s her birthday today” more than once. You could still be right that the Button is a baby girl, but unless he or she makes a freight train kind of entrance in the next hour and a half, today will (sadly) not be baby’s birthday. I would love it if you would keep guessing and singing, anyway. It’s really quite endearing and sweet.

Today was a very long day for both of us, and I feel like you’re lashing out a bit as things change. I wish this weren’t the case, although I understand it as best I can. I hope we can work together over the next number of weeks to help you feel at home and at peace. I promise that baby brother or sister will be one of the best gifts I can give you in the long run.

So, clever, charming, animated, energetic, frustrated, lovable, wonderful, curious, kind boy, this is to say that I love you with my whole heart. You are not losing anything more than some lap time with mommy as you gain a sibling. I hope that over the months to come, you stop feeling the growing pains as much and start feeling the joy that comes with a constant playmate, a partner in crime, and a live-in best friend. You are going to be a great leader and caretaker for this little baby on the way. He or she is already quite blessed to call you brother! I can’t wait for you both to meet, to see you snuggle him or her for the first time, to show the pride you feel as you care for and help and pray over baby. I have no doubt you will.

i love you forever and ever and ever, and nothing will ever change that. i hope somewhere in your two year old heart, you can comprehend just a bit of how much we treasure and adore you.

xo, your mama

baby whisperer.

Dear Henry,

People ask me all of the time whether you seem to acknowledge this belly that I’m growing right before your eyes. I always answer “yes,” because you’ve seemed aware of our little miracle even before my tummy began to sprout. Inevitably, my “yes” is followed by the same comment almost every time, “Oh, he has no idea. Just wait. His whole world is going to turn upside down, ” (or some variety of the same). I’ve come to dislike the above question, because I’ve learned the response that comes after. I’d love it if more inquiring minds recognized the possibility that you are keenly aware, but I also understand that they just can’t. They don’t get to see your little heart on a daily basis. And they definitely don’t get to witness the tenderness with which you regard your baby brother or sister to be. It is one of your most endearing qualities to date ;)

I needed to write to you tonight, because I’m hoping someday you or your sibling will read this and realize just what a special bond you’ve had from the very beginning. The other evening as we finished dinner, I walked around the table. You pointed to me and said, “Mommy’s carrying the baby.” “Yes,” I said. “Mommy is carrying the baby. I’m carrying the baby all of the time right now.” You make this kind of observation often, but our exchange tonight was something special. You leaned far over out of your highchair to reach me, craning your neck to kiss my tummy twice. Then you brushed your hand across my belly, back and forth. “Nice baby,” you said to the bump. “It’s a nice baby,” you reiterated as you looked at me. And the next thing that happened made me hold my breath. Tears welled up as you half spoke, half whispered, “Calm baby…calm baby,” gently tapping my tummy with the back of your hand, oh so carefully. In that moment, your attentive focus on the baby rendered me speechless. It was almost as if you had some sort of otherworldly, special connection to your sibling in utero. No doubt you probably do!

We don’t know what gender we’re having, so we most often just refer to the baby as “Baby,” and occasionally as the “Button.” I find this fitting, because you’ve become so fascinated with my belly button (or rather its disappearance) as of late. No more than an hour or two go by without you doting on our “Baby” in some way. You stop playing just come over and greet my belly, as if it were necessary routine. And every night, you kiss and hug the baby as best you can…one of my very favorite parts of every day. Your tenderness will certainly benefit your relationship with wee one #2 once he or she is out in the world.

Before long, we’ll venture out and find something special for you to give Baby when August arrives. In the meantime, I so love talking with you about this tiny little person who is going to change all of our lives. You light up when I ask you about your brother or sister, and you include the babe in your prayers. I’m so blessed by your memory and willingness and cheerful spirit–it is indeed one of the things getting me through to the end of Summer! I so cherish this time with you and can’t wait to have LOTS more days of playtime, soaking up the sun, and snuggling with just my Henry before your little buddy gets here. You will be TWO in just three more days…can you believe it?! Let’s paint the town red and celebrate you like crazy, what do you say?

so proud and blessed and humbled and amazed to be your mama, sweet boy.

mm